Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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