So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
