today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
