she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
