A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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