...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Randomize
