My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just found a bag of teeth...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
