I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
