a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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