So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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