if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
