i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
