I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
