Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
