I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
