Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
