halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
