and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
