i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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