I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
