In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
