Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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