i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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