yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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