I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
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