no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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