It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
i now understand why vodka
We're too hungover to prance.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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