If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
