I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
