God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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