Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
