sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
How drunk are you?
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