last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
