Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
