Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
too bad you live with your parents still
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize