You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
