i love accidental penises.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
