Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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