You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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