how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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