I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
