Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
