found the other keg... it's in the tree
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
