We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
May the power of my ass compel you!!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
