YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
