It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
