Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
