Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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