oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
