I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
