Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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