yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
last night I used snow as a chaser
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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