ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
