At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
