I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
