woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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