Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
