guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
