i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Randomize
