Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
