if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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