I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
