did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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